Testimonial

Ok, so this is my testimonial for my own 5 week journey. I’ve been sitting at this desk researching healthy options, cutting calories, how to get motivated, and the whole time I’ve been wondering; “Am I really that bad?”

I’ve always believed I’ve had a generally good diet, and I’ve always made excuses as to why I don’t exercise as much as I should. Of course, I wouldn’t be sitting here if all of this was true and I actually thought I was healthy, in my diet and my weight.

I am using this platform to declare my intentions for my 5 week, and life-long, journey to fitness. Without some sense of obligation towards keeping my word I am likely to give up or suddenly decided I’m fine with how I am, after two days!

So! I, Julia, pledge to you, my fitness audience, that I will stay strong for the next 5 weeks!! This step will help me pledge, on my fifth week, to stay strong for the next five weeks and then the next after that, so on and so on.

I am cutting out refined sugar and the random acts of binge drinking that occur during college life. I am being positive and overcoming my negative thinking habits. And I am going to be a fine looking lass from this day onwards, so look out mysterious crush of mine because this year I’m going to show you what I can be!

Here For You

I think I forget that I’m worth it.

Currently, I’m struggling between giving myself a shot and pulling myself down.

It’s a hard argument to have with yourself on an everyday basis. On the one hand, you know you’re an interesting, lively person who deserves every good thing that comes your way. On the other hand, a small voice whispers in your ear about how you might not be pretty enough or interesting enough.

I get lost in my inner dialogue and my inner vision of myself.

So, I’m here to try and give everyone I know that little push towards the better life.

You are good enough. You are definitely pretty enough.

You’re more interesting, clever, witty and hilarious than you give yourself credit for.

People always tell you to shut up that little derogatory voice in your head but I think you should let it tell it’s little story, incite it’s little judgement’s and then tell it it’s wrong.

That little voice is you. Tell yourself you are wrong. Tell yourself you love you!

You deserve as much as you work for, so work for it!

Don’t give up the fight before it begins, life is here for you. I am here for you.

Reality

It is not incredibly common to find a book the reminds you of your childhood dreams. Reminders of hidden passageways and daring adventures that make life glimmer with new possibilities.

I found one today, or rather yesterday. I have spent the last 48 hours drinking in this new gem, wholly engrossed in its pages. That is when you know you’ve found a diamond in the rough. When your surroundings take a backseat and your senses are overwhelmed with a new world, a new life.

A book can change a life. Not in any material way but maybe in a way that adds shadow and depth to an imagination, that changes a persons perceptions ever so slightly. It may not be for the better but it is still there.

My book added some depth to my day. A story of a boy, young and brilliant, assailed with tragedy, romance, and the heroism of youth. It made secret passageways and fantastical events seem almost possible again.

It also made me ache for a reality that I can’t reach in my waking hours. Walking home was like coming out of a deep sleep. It started with the strong belief in the impossible and then, as slow as a winters chill, reality crept into the edges of my vision.

Reality is a cruel thing, crueler than any word or person. A word may sting and a person may cause pain for awhile but reality can withstand the breadth of time. Pain will fade but reality is forever a thorn in my side.

Without reality I can have my passageways.

Without reality I can be a child.

Unfortunately, until I can escape reality I will be here and I will continue to dream my own reality.

Extraordinary Love

selfconfessedromantique

Sometimes it strikes me right to the heart knowing that magic doesn’t exist.

Knowing that there will be no lightning strike, no sudden and unexplainable reason I can read someones thoughts.

It makes me sadder than thinking I’ll go my whole life without my soulmate. All the stories, all the imagination that goes into our mystical worlds. It’s there to inspire us, to help guide us.

What I wouldn’t give for it to be real. A whimsical wish considering that’s how many of the stories begin and then the protagonist later wishes to rescind that thought.

Still, I am reminded in my dreams that even when I was little “Superhero” was what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Dreams are probably as close as I will get in my lifetime but if there is a day when we have evolved or made ourselves extraordinary, I hope we don’t…

View original post 56 more words

Extraordinary Love

Sometimes it strikes me right to the heart knowing that magic doesn’t exist.

Knowing that there will be no lightning strike, no sudden and unexplainable reason I can read someones thoughts.

It makes me sadder than thinking I’ll go my whole life without my soulmate. All the stories, all the imagination that goes into our mystical worlds. It’s there to inspire us, to help guide us.

What I wouldn’t give for it to be real. A whimsical wish considering that’s how many of the stories begin and then the protagonist later wishes to rescind that thought.

Still, I am reminded in my dreams that even when I was little “Superhero” was what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Dreams are probably as close as I will get in my lifetime but if there is a day when we have evolved or made ourselves extraordinary, I hope we don’t waste it.

I hope in our time we don’t make the road to the extraordinary harder, with our petty struggles and unnecessary hardships.

We are human above all else. Race, gender, love. These may define us but they don’t segregate us.

Maybe the extraordinary quality of our generation will be our love, if we let it.

Uncertain Future

Recently I’ve found myself facing the future.

In doing this, I realised I actually didn’t have anything concrete in mind. Sure, I’m doing an amazing degree and I have a stable job albeit as boring as you can get but I feel like I’m missing something.

Usually I would read a fantasy book about people getting everything their own special way or watch a TV show that makes me feel like special things can just happen and every ones life is exciting. This led to the depressing thought of; “Well, I don’t have super powers and I am no longer within the age group where vampires or supernatural events change your life forever…”

What do you do when your childhood starts drift away and your left with a boring job and an uncertain future?

My reaction has been to furtively search for 1. A better job 2. Maybe a career? 3. Start to get frustrated 4. Write a blog post illustrating how futile my search has been.

In doing this I have, however, discovered that I want to work in my university and I am also going to find a new book or TV show so that maybe adulthood will stay in the hazy distance and leave me with my teenage vampire crushes and superhero fantasies.

Goodnight xx

That Empty Kind of Love

Sorrow is like an ache in my chest.

A black hole of emptiness inside me, stretching through to my fingertips and toes.

Loss clouds my eyes, dulling my senses till there is nothing left.

The bass echoes through my limbs as I twirl in an room full of empty people.

Bodies jostling, shining with sweat, as I try and feel something.

This is why we are here.

To feel something else, something we can’t give ourselves.

It’s an empty love but love nonetheless.

Lights flash, garishly illuminating our swaying bodies, our blank eyes reflecting red, blue, and yellow.

Reaching up towards an empty ceiling, we crow with toxic excitement.

The drums beat with our hearts, taking away our inhibitions.

This is what we want.

This is why we are here.

We are lost but we are together.