Here For You

I think I forget that I’m worth it.

Currently, I’m struggling between giving myself a shot and pulling myself down.

It’s a hard argument to have with yourself on an everyday basis. On the one hand, you know you’re an interesting, lively person who deserves every good thing that comes your way. On the other hand, a small voice whispers in your ear about how you might not be pretty enough or interesting enough.

I get lost in my inner dialogue and my inner vision of myself.

So, I’m here to try and give everyone I know that little push towards the better life.

You are good enough. You are definitely pretty enough.

You’re more interesting, clever, witty and hilarious than you give yourself credit for.

People always tell you to shut up that little derogatory voice in your head but I think you should let it tell it’s little story, incite it’s little judgement’s and then tell it it’s wrong.

That little voice is you. Tell yourself you are wrong. Tell yourself you love you!

You deserve as much as you work for, so work for it!

Don’t give up the fight before it begins, life is here for you. I am here for you.

Reality

It is not incredibly common to find a book the reminds you of your childhood dreams. Reminders of hidden passageways and daring adventures that make life glimmer with new possibilities.

I found one today, or rather yesterday. I have spent the last 48 hours drinking in this new gem, wholly engrossed in its pages. That is when you know you’ve found a diamond in the rough. When your surroundings take a backseat and your senses are overwhelmed with a new world, a new life.

A book can change a life. Not in any material way but maybe in a way that adds shadow and depth to an imagination, that changes a persons perceptions ever so slightly. It may not be for the better but it is still there.

My book added some depth to my day. A story of a boy, young and brilliant, assailed with tragedy, romance, and the heroism of youth. It made secret passageways and fantastical events seem almost possible again.

It also made me ache for a reality that I can’t reach in my waking hours. Walking home was like coming out of a deep sleep. It started with the strong belief in the impossible and then, as slow as a winters chill, reality crept into the edges of my vision.

Reality is a cruel thing, crueler than any word or person. A word may sting and a person may cause pain for awhile but reality can withstand the breadth of time. Pain will fade but reality is forever a thorn in my side.

Without reality I can have my passageways.

Without reality I can be a child.

Unfortunately, until I can escape reality I will be here and I will continue to dream my own reality.

Uncertain Future

Recently I’ve found myself facing the future.

In doing this, I realised I actually didn’t have anything concrete in mind. Sure, I’m doing an amazing degree and I have a stable job albeit as boring as you can get but I feel like I’m missing something.

Usually I would read a fantasy book about people getting everything their own special way or watch a TV show that makes me feel like special things can just happen and every ones life is exciting. This led to the depressing thought of; “Well, I don’t have super powers and I am no longer within the age group where vampires or supernatural events change your life forever…”

What do you do when your childhood starts drift away and your left with a boring job and an uncertain future?

My reaction has been to furtively search for 1. A better job 2. Maybe a career? 3. Start to get frustrated 4. Write a blog post illustrating how futile my search has been.

In doing this I have, however, discovered that I want to work in my university and I am also going to find a new book or TV show so that maybe adulthood will stay in the hazy distance and leave me with my teenage vampire crushes and superhero fantasies.

Goodnight xx