Testimonial

Ok, so this is my testimonial for my own 5 week journey. I’ve been sitting at this desk researching healthy options, cutting calories, how to get motivated, and the whole time I’ve been wondering; “Am I really that bad?”

I’ve always believed I’ve had a generally good diet, and I’ve always made excuses as to why I don’t exercise as much as I should. Of course, I wouldn’t be sitting here if all of this was true and I actually thought I was healthy, in my diet and my weight.

I am using this platform to declare my intentions for my 5 week, and life-long, journey to fitness. Without some sense of obligation towards keeping my word I am likely to give up or suddenly decided I’m fine with how I am, after two days!

So! I, Julia, pledge to you, my fitness audience, that I will stay strong for the next 5 weeks!! This step will help me pledge, on my fifth week, to stay strong for the next five weeks and then the next after that, so on and so on.

I am cutting out refined sugar and the random acts of binge drinking that occur during college life. I am being positive and overcoming my negative thinking habits. And I am going to be a fine looking lass from this day onwards, so look out mysterious crush of mine because this year I’m going to show you what I can be!

Extraordinary Love

selfconfessedromantique

Sometimes it strikes me right to the heart knowing that magic doesn’t exist.

Knowing that there will be no lightning strike, no sudden and unexplainable reason I can read someones thoughts.

It makes me sadder than thinking I’ll go my whole life without my soulmate. All the stories, all the imagination that goes into our mystical worlds. It’s there to inspire us, to help guide us.

What I wouldn’t give for it to be real. A whimsical wish considering that’s how many of the stories begin and then the protagonist later wishes to rescind that thought.

Still, I am reminded in my dreams that even when I was little “Superhero” was what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Dreams are probably as close as I will get in my lifetime but if there is a day when we have evolved or made ourselves extraordinary, I hope we don’t…

View original post 56 more words

Personal

I don’t put any real value in physical features because I truly believe that beautiful people are the people who are what I believe to be ‘self-actualised’.

These people always appear to have things; friends, talent, unconditional love from every side. These are the people that make my chest hurt to look at.

These are the people that have decided to be happy and I know I’m not there yet. Still far from it and probably in denial, too. It’s hard to become ‘self-actualised’ when you physically have something holding you back.

Imagine you couldn’t leave your room, dress how you want, act how you want, or even just hug someone without something holding you back. Something that makes you have an almost paralyzing barrier around you. This is how I am because of circumstances outside of my control. I can’t change nature.

This is my daily obstacle. I never talk about it. No one knows about it. But, it’s always there for me. I’d like to blame all my problems on this one thing but I am human. I know it’s not this thing that makes it hard for me to be happy.

So, I shall continue to live with it and like every other person I will try and overcome my obstacle.

Unwelcome Lessons

Currently, I am being tested. I am in the ‘pre-learning’ stage of some mysterious life lesson and if I’m not I want a refund.

When someone goes and squanders something that is valuable to you, but not necessarily important in any real sense, the propensity for disproportionate responses is large. This is the current situation I am going through and it’s not easy to not point fingers and make threats.

Being in the ‘pre-learning’ phase sucks because you can’t yet fully understand why you have to be the one experiencing the lesson. Why can’t it be someone else? Why couldn’t those people just not have done what they did? There are endless unanswerable questions that will follow you in an ordeal. This is my stage of inconsequential grief for an inanimate object that I procured on a commonly celebrated coming of age birthday.

It’s a small thing but it has taken up space in my mind for the last couple of hours and I’m waiting for the lesson to come to light. It would be nice, seeing as I am more than a bit upset about the whole business, but as always things don’t usually accommodate for your suffrage.

In light of this I will assume my own lesson; don’t leave your valuables with drunk people.

Lost Time

I never have enough time, ever. Even when I’m sitting down in my free time, I’m actually just counting down the minutes before something else has to be done.

While my life is hectic and there is always something new to add to the list, I lived for a month without a job or study and it was the epitome of wasted time.

Sometimes I naively think, “Wow, a holiday would be amazing right now. Sleeping in, not caring what tomorrow brings!”. Every time I think this, now I try to remember that one summer where I really didn’t have anything to do.

The days passed relatively slowly and surprisingly I was constantly looking for something to do. I was pining for a textbook or even a menial household task. My parents house never looked so good, trust me. Remembering this makes my busy days seem like more of a blessing than an infringement on my 8 hours of sleep (that I don’t get).

I still wish for the clock to stop or even just slow down so I that could fit in one more thing (like my gym membership, that’s going to waste). This isn’t going to happen, so I’m just going to continue being happy with what I’ve got.

xx


Another Day, Another Dollar

My title is a pretty classic saying but while it describes the tediousness of retail work it doesn’t describe the everyday terror of my job becoming my future.

I work serving people and responding to their personal (and ridiculous) demands. It’s a job I didn’t imagine doing when I was a child. I definitely didn’t think; “While I study the intricacies of the human brain and behaviour, I will serve people sliced ham and be harassed by old women”.

Some of the other poor people who work with me probably once had bright ideas of becoming nurses or librarians, or other equally stereotypical jobs. Now they’re celebrating their thirtieth year of making sure the chicken doesn’t have one discoloured spot or that the ham looks especially shiny today.

I know that this is a job that needs to be filled but I can never stop myself thinking; “If this was my last day, my last couple of hours, I would kick myself for spending them here”.

Dreams don’t ever seem to turn out the way you want them to. Working hard towards your goals doesn’t always work either but I’m going to make sure it does for me.

This is the reality that I accept; I just wish little old women remembered their old school etiquette classes.


Deeper

I pine for my darkest dreams because those nights are the ones I could be falling with asleep.

Holding you tightly, warm and loved unconditionally. You make me want to be elegant and smile in a secret way that makes people wonder.

They would wonder about my life, how happy I am, how happy I will be.

You make me want to pause each moment, each second were you are real and next to me.